You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
