Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize