so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
