I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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