I'm going to jail i love you
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
