my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
