Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
