well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
