If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
