East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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