thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
