I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
