You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize