If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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