Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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