My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
