Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
