When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
