i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
