I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
