piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
