People in love make me want to vomit
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
