she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
