...so i touched it.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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