how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
