I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
