fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
