absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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