You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
