Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
