what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
