Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize