Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
