I swear god or herbie drove my car home
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
