We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
