If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
