i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
