so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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