i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Randomize
