FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
