i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
