I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
