ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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