I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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