I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
