i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
