Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
