She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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