Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
