I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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