I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
