Soap is not a condiment
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
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