worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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