im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize