You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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