She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
