just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
