But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
