I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
