Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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