a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
