Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
