Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
