Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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