I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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