we're blogging at a bar
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
