Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
