There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize