the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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