I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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