Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
