i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
