Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
