We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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