my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Its about making memories worth repressing
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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