It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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