Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
