My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
